Sunday, September 21, 2008

What's next?

Looking back

Yesterday was a Saturday, at last, that my brother and I need not go back to office. We have finally done our testing... our product has one last testing stage to go through but that doesn't involve the developers now, haha. Glad that it is over now, what we gonna do I think will be solving any bug that is reported during this last stage. Haha...

We have our teen youth fellowship at sister Delina's place and I would like to thank God for His message shared by brother Eddie and sister Celina. It is a fulfilling session learning more about marriage and commitments from the bible. Hehe... God is so wise that He knows what is BEST for all His creations.

After the fellowship, I managed to play my "msn conversation" video and invited brothers and sisters to join me in organizing an outreach event on December 8. I have three names this morning, for that I thank God for preparing His workers. Hehe...

My brother, TungLieng, went home and returned. He got some programmes arranged for the next few days, before he goes back again on Sept 29. Wow, what a "busy" guy he is. Haha...

Second Programming Exercise

After our first programming exercise MMPi, we have started working on our second programming exercise now, which seems like a huge jump from the first one. Haha... need to learn more things for this because we have to deal with events and delegates in order to establish the correct flow. Haha... not only that, we are going to use more controls than the first one, thus I am currently looking on ListView. It isn't an easy control to use afterall, haha...

Pray that God leads us to learn new things while doing this exercise, preparing us for any upcoming projects at our workplace. Haha... also pray that this exercise helps us to trust in God more because of the difficulties we faced (facing right now, hehe...), instead of dragging us away from God. Haha...

Project 0812

December 8, a public holiday, our teen youth fellowship is going to hold an outreach event at a venue that is to be decided. Haha... Aloha Changi if we manage to get a spot. The last resort will be my place here and I wonder if around 30 people can fit here or not. Haha...

Mentioned earlier, I have three sisters who willing to join me for organizing this event. Really thank God for that. And this is the toughest question I facing right now, "what's next?" haha... as if I am just responsible for the trailer. However I know that's just the beginning. Although I have managed a concert before, they are two different events. Organizing a concert involves some "fixed" steps like what to prepare before the concert, be ready during the concert and also close up some stuff after the concerts, and that's it.

Truly a Spiritual Warfare

This is really a spiritual warfare... to be frank, I am really scare to be a leader (leaderphobia?), I am scare to lead because I am afraid that whatever steps I take, it is always a wrong step and end up being scolded, or in trouble, or not up to someone standard that I heard complains. I am really scare people disappointing in me... simply said... I am fear of losing face, from young till now... my fear and my desire for the Lord continues to fight in my heart. Many times I felt alone... I know I can't always depend on my families, especially my twin brother. Sometime I can sense his anger or disappointment on me when I failed to lead. Many times it is my own feeling and for that I sinned greatly. Being a leader or making decision is a struggle to me, and my sinful nature's first option is always to go for "Follower" instead of "Leader".

Many times, God's words, like a sword, penetrate into my heart and it really hurts... I felt ashamed of myself... yes... I know so much about God's words, but I didn't apply it in my life. I have not tried my best to overcome this fear of mine. This is something similar to when I have a bruise somewhere, I want to rub the bruise (to heat it up), but I gave up when I feel the pain. Haha... oopz, nothing to laugh about.

God's word does not only penetrate through my heart, but comforts and encourages me. That's why I am taking up this role of chairman for this event, desire to trust in my Lord to overcome my fear, "leaderphobia". I trust that He will provide the workers, the wisdoms and other necessities to organize such an event, though small (a day only) but significant. All be in His will! Prayer is an important factor for God's work too. Hehe...

1 comment:

Tang said...

yup, be a leader

heh... no need to worry abt others. worry abt god. we take in ppl's factors, but still, we are answerable to god only. heh... just do what u see best, in god's guidance of coz. sometimes u think too much le.. maybe trying to be careful la... nothing wrong with that.

sometimes i angry coz i dun like my decision saja. heh... need more opinions, but more opinions lead to more thinking... hmm, so stress and anger occur... so still back to stress + anger management.

sorry abt that ah heh...