Speak your own personal testimony
Haha, we are all ought to remember and able to speak our own personal testimony for our Lord God. It is our own experience and we have to know how our Lord God has changed our lifes. My life changes once my Lord God brought me to an unfamiliar place on my own (well, I am not on my own. Tung Ngie is with me.). My Lord God let me realise how I need Him so much. There was once I had fallen away from my Lord God, but He got me back eventually through much encouragements from my Sunday School teacher then.
I spent my childhood and teens in a town in Brunei, called Kuala Belait. It is a quiet town, not suitable for those who likes night life. Every family has an average of 2 cars. The town is at the Brunei-Malaysia border, by crossing two bridges we will reach a town in Sarawak, called Miri. Thus, every weekends, you can imagine that there's a huge load of cars going to Miri in the morning, then returning back in the evening, before the immigration stations closed. That's basically KB! Haha...
My dad is not a Christian, but my mum is. I thank my Lord God that my dad didn't stop my mum to bring us to a church in KB. I have three siblings - Tung Ngie (twin brother), Tung Lieng (young brother) and Tung Ci (young sister). There are 5 years gap between Tung Lieng and me (and Tung Ngie), while Tung Ci is 11 years younger than me. Although I did go to church and learnt about our Lord God's merciful, kindness, faithfulness and forgiveness, I still did what I usually do at home - bully my brothers (my sister weren't born yet).
I didn't like to go to school, but have to. When I went to school, I didn't like to go home... I remember once I said "This home again, everytime I came back, it is the same home!" I consider myself as the unlucky one because from young I was diagnosed with hypothyroid, thus need to eat medicine every morning, take blood test, go appointment every four times in a year (varies as the appointments are set by the doctor). Looking at my brothers, who don't have to eat medicine everyday, take blood test and don't have to visit the hospital, I envy them. I bully my brothers a lot, sometime I hate them as well due to my jealousy, especially towards Tung Ngie who always do better than me in everything.
In 1999, Tung Ngie received a scholarship to study in Singapore. Not long after he started school, my father sent me out to Singapore to study too (to accompany Tung Ngie as well). I was studying in a neighbourhood school, near to the school Tung Ngie was studying. Tung Ngie was studying in one of the "top 30" secondary schools in Singapore, thus in order to get in, I need to pass a IQ test... eventually I failed.
That was the first time both of us left our family. How we had missed home then... and how much tears we shed every night... we felt we had been outcasted by our family... no longer live in my own house, no longer able to taste my grandma's food, no longer can see my family everyday, that I have taken them for granted. At that time I really want to take back my word "This home again, everytime I came back, it is the same home!". It is a sad depart for my family as well. Every night then I remembered my mum's tears.
During the course of the study in Singapore, we joined a church in Singapore - The 'Fishermen of Christ' Fellowship. We lived in Raffles Institution Boarding School in Bishan, the church we went is located at Geylang. We would take MRT from Bishan to City Hall interchange to change train to Aljunied. Soon, we felt "lazy" to go to church. Thus we skip going to church when we had activities on Sunday morning with our friends. Eventually, we skipped for more than half year!
My worst experience
Every Saturday night, our Sunday School teacher, brother Anson would call us, ask whether we are coming on Sunday, and our prayer needs. He called us no matter whether we came the last Sunday morning or not. He even continue to call us during the half year we skip going to church. We asked our friend to take the call for us, lied to brother Anson that we were out.
During the half year when we skipped church, every Sunday morning, we would be sleeping late or just waste our time. I felt a sense of remorse, lonely (even when I am participating in an activity with my friends), weak and not much mentality to study as well... it was the worst experience of my life then. As our GCE O'Level were less than half a year away, my heart pounded very fast but weak, I fear that I will fail my subjects, especially English!
Looks like Tung Ngie felt the same way as me, because once we can't take it anymore. Instead of asking my friend to help us to lie to brother Anson, we went to take the phone ourselves. Yes, after a half year long, we finally heard brother Anson's voice over the phone. We told him that we don't want to go to church anymore and ask if he can stop calling us (for his call made us felt the remorse that we had actually lied to him for half year long)...
I thank God that He has not given us up... He equipped brother Anson with His word... through brother Anson's encouraging words over the phone, I saw how wrong I am to skip going to church... knowing the fact that "God is our strength" in my brain, I didn't realise that I can seek the strength from God to overcome my laziness.
After putting down the phone, Tung Ngie and I decided to go back to church the next day... and ask God for forgiveness that night. From then on, I saw the light of God. No longer I feel remorseful, but joy, as if I have set free from jail. On Sunday morning, truly, we went to church and our brother Anson gives us more encouraging words from the bible, from God Himself.
After knowing Christ, I don't feel my heart pounding fast and weak for the incoming GCE O'Level for I have entrust it to my Lord God. From that point of time, I realise how God love me for putting me in a neighbourhood school, so that I won't feel very stressed out. He know my capability more than I do myself for He is the Lord of all! When I look back at my life from God's point of view, I realize that all are in God's plan, including both of us coming out to Singapore, leaving our family, leaving our casual life in KB, let me realize that I have taken all those for granted... truly, I went back to KB for holiday with a different heart... one that really let my Lord God sit on the throne of my heart, not only on the brain. Haha...
I don't feel any grudges toward my brothers anymore, and I don't feel jealous for Tung Ngie's better result... for all these will come to past, and only the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ matters to me now. Philippians 1:21 says that "For to me (Apostle Paul), to live is Christ and to die is gain." I really thank God for this trueful experience... and only He can bring me back. I thank God that I can feel the remorse and fear when I skip going to church, it is the work of Holy Spirit.
If you are experiencing this same experience - skip going to church - hopefully you can take my personal testimony as your way out - come back to the Lord once again! Repent for our Lord God is a merciful God. 1 John 1:9 states "If we confess our sins, he (God) is faithful and just and will forgive us (we all) our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." What are you waiting for? Come back to the Lord to draw strength, so that you can overcome your laziness! Why do you want to live in a remorseful life (life away from the source of life)? Nothing is better than returning to my Lord God, the One and Only Creator.